Never Assume

The Day We Cried Together

Son refused to do his Chinese homework. It was a piece of 'boring' assignment for him, I would agree... just write repeatedly the same words. But no choice, still have to do it, isn't it? He wrote with his most horrible handwriting and then started to doodle nonsense. When I started erasing his work , he threw a tantrum and started shouting.

" Get out of here!!" he yelled . I was boiling mad already but of course , I had to admit that I wasn't in a good mood too on that day (having a cold war with my other half, shucks!! ) I could not contain my anger and tears were welling up in my eyes. I opened the door and got out of the house..and just sat outside, hoping to calm myself down.

I could hear my mother trying to get him do his work at home , patiently. Then the tantrum stopped. There was silence in the house and then I don't know why he closed the door behind me!

Soon, it was almost time to get ready for school. I had to go back home, like it or not, even though , I was hoping that he would say sorry instead of closing the door.

I went back to my room and then started crying uncontrollably. Son came in to say sorry to me, obviously after being prompted by my mother. I was too upset to say anything initially... then I started bursting out , questioning him why he had treated me so badly , in between sobs. Of course, I don't think at that moment he could understand what I mean.

"Mummy loves you so much but why do you do that to me? Is that how you show me you love me?" I cried. I guess I was just trying to vent my frustration and sorrow at that moment... I knew he would not really know what I was talking about. It's just that after putting in so much effort , what you get is a big slam on the heart, you just could not take it... you just have to cry it out.

Seeing me crying so badly, Son started crying too.. then we hugged each other and cried together. Oh boy!! That was the first time I really could not control myself and cry in front of him! I knew it is not solely his fault, he does has his special needs and I have to keep my sane and be strong... but I am still a HUMAN , vulnerable to emotional stress.

It is a challenge given to me and I have to accept it .

Son, let's work together, hand in hand, heart to heart.... I am sure we will make it.... even though I know this will not be the last time I will cry.

You have to be patient and Mum has to be too.

How To Improve Your Balancing Skill

How to improve your balancing skill?....... By walking on the long table in the school canteen !!!

That's my 'clever' boy's 'trick' again.

SHOCKING... but then not surprising too.... because he is just so 'unpredictable' and always 'giving us surprises now and then' ( quote from his dear form teacher).

I suspected that it was due to the daily 'balancing' practice that I was doing with him in the exercise area in the neighbourhood. The occupational therapist says that he lacks balance, so I got him to practice on the balance beam. But obviously he has overdone it, and he did it , too, on the table!

True enough, nobody can understand their kids more than the mums themselves... he told me that he was practicing his balancing skill.

Can't punish him for that, can I? I had to tell him that wasn't the right way and it should not happen again. So, that was the first and also the last time he did it. ( I hope!)

Anyway, he is 'full of surprises'. Something done the second time, won't be a surprise anymore.... so.... there will be more surprises coming! (I hope NOT!!)

An Emotional Moment

I just realised that I could see Son walking along the corridor of the hall from outside the fence of the school.

The next day, before sending him into school, I reminded him that Mummy would be standing outside his school, at a position where we could see each other from the outside of the hall. I told him that if he sees me waving at him, wave to me .

In a few minutes' time , there, I saw my boy making his way to the hall, then he stopped. He waved to me , and I waved back too, happily. Then after a few more steps , he waved at me again... I waved back to him again, too, only this time with a lump in my throat and tears welling up in my eyes. It was truly an emotional moment for me as I recalled the journey I , or rather we, had went through so far.... together... From the time he could speak no words, could not express himself but to throw a big tantrum, to a boy who successfully made his way to the mainstream and the best class, no one could understand the pain , frustration and anger we had suffered and tears we had both shed , unless they are also parents of special kids.

I know that this is not the end but another new beginning . There will be more challenges ahead and I know too that I have to move on bravely and steadily, even though I may still be unable to hold back my tears , sometimes.

All these, for the sake of my dearest Son.

The Guinea Pin(g)

My Son is indeed 'popular' or is he such a 'mysterious' person that everyone is 'using' him as a 'guinea pig' ?

It so happened that 3 polytechnic students ( occupational therapist and special needs) were attached to his primary school for internship. So he gets a lot of attention from these students and I get more information regarding his weaknesses and what type of help I can give him at home.

Then the lecturer of these students is also on course and needs to get some kids for sensory assessment to complete her course. So again my dear Son is chosen. It is an interesting assessment , so much so that I myself begin to get rather interested in this area. Maybe I should take up some courses on OT , if I have the time and energy of course!

His ex-teacher from Eipic has also chosen him as a case study for a course she is taking, so she will also be keeping track of Son's progress in school.

Some parents might not want their kids to be chosen for such purposes because they do not want their kids to be too 'transparent' or perhaps creating unnecessary suspicion from classmates when they keep seeing so many people around their sons.

I feel that this is really a win-win situation. They get to complete their course and I get to learn more too , and in turn better equipped to help Son. Why not?

So, it's okay to be a (cute and popular) guinea pig(n), my Son..it is a blessing in disguise for us.

Is He Too Stressed?

It was a Friday and school starts at 7.15am every Friday.

At dismissal time, he was led out by the Chinese teacher, because the last hour was Mother Tongue. The teacher told me that he refused to hand in his Spelling for checking of parent's signature. He just shouted and threw a tantrum.

When I tried to ask him what the problem was , again he kicked a big fuss outside the school. I found the Spelling worksheet in his bag, but when I wanted to hand it to the teacher, she had already left... there he went again.. screaming and shouting !

Half way back home, I asked him why was it so difficult just to take a piece of paper out and hand it in... he started having a meltdown.... he started screaming and hitting me.. till my glasses almost fell and twisted. I was fuming in rage! Everyone was staring at us. I had to stop his tantrum , made him say sorry , calm him (and myself) down before continuing our way home. We were "stuck " there for almost half an hour!

That day , I found out that he also refused to hand in some worksheets to his English Form teacher. But because he knew that Son would have the tendency of throwing a tantrum, he did not insist , and so the meltdown was avoided.

I was really boiling mad at the moment when he hit me.. I was just asking him "nicely" and "patiently" what happened and there he was.. hitting his Mum right in front of so many other people.

But when I sat down at night and thought back calmly , have I been at that moment "interrogating" him too much? He already had a tiring day, waking up at 6.30am, having to sit down and concentrate throughout the 6 hours. He was already trying very hard... after all he does have his "blue" days on and off , due to his asd.

Perhaps it is a lesson to be learnt for me. I should have sensed that he was already very stressed , especially sitting through Mother Tongue class for the last hour. Questioning further after school was simply too much for him to take. He was just like an overblown balloon , stressing him further made him burst instantaneously. I should have been more sensitive to his emotion and need.

Son... Mum knows you are already doing very well, much better than I have expected.

Please keep it up and I will always be there for you, supporting you , loving you.

He Is So Lucky!!

I would say that from the day he was diagnosed as asd, he has been fortunate... to have so many good teachers around him, to give the necessary help, support and intervention.

First, it was Teacher Fadhi , whom I really consider her as my 'saviour'. She was first teacher who believes that Son has a lot of potential and would surely break through all the barriers. She was also the one who convinced the others that he could make it to integrated class in the kindergarten, providing his first step into going mainstream.

Then of course when he joined the Eipic , he had a nice teacher , Teacher Dewi, to come for home-based intervention program. It was from her, I learnt about the kind of therapy Son needs.

When he started classes at the Centre when it was finally opened (just a stone's throw away from our house! I can't believe how lucky we are), he had wonderful , dedicated teachers like Teacher Nora, Teacher Jitin and Teacher Nalini. I may not agree or be truly satisfied with the intervention program they provide, but I truly admire them for their whole-hearted willingness to help.

The amazing thing is he actually made it to the A class in his Primary School! He had a wonderful Male teacher, whom I initially had doubts whether a man could handle little ones. Boy , was I wrong!! He is such a dedicated teacher and most importantly, he can handle Son's temperament ! Furthermore, he has a facebook where he updates parents things done in class , even providing photos of the children while they are doing their activities. With all the information he has given, I can at least know what Son is doing in class and I can have daily conversation with him on the happenings in school.

Besides that, the school has a very experience special need officer, who is also a male! He is ever so cheerful and optimistic. He gives Son the support he needs and updating me his behaviour in school, giving me the assurance that Son will be well taken care of.

With all these special people, what more can I ask for ?

Even his friends are so nice to him. Sometimes when I go into school to give him lunch, they will come and 'complain' about him doing ' naughty ' things.. but when they turn around , they will forget every thing and treat him just like any others.... share biscuits with him.... do Hi5 with him. And I thought my dear little boy will never have friends because of his 'weird' behaviour and poor social skills and eye contact.

We have definitely been blessed all the way.... and I hope we will too till the end where we can see the beam of light .

Diamond Ring

I was reading the newspaper when Son came over and saw an advertisement on Jewelleries.

How Sweet! He said he is going to buy me one ( because I always complain Dad has never given me one ).

"But You don't have money?" I told him.

" No. You pay!" Son replied.

Ok.. I get it ... he buys , I pay!

Cute !

Sigh!!

Unexpected Incidence

Oh My God! This is the worse news and most unexpected one .. I was taken aback by a parent when she asked me if my son was PH. Immediately, I asked her what had happened. She told me that my son had kissed two girls in his class!! One on the cheek and one on the lips! I called the sno to confirm even though I know he must be the 'culprit'. Luckily , i know the parents beforehand, and they were very understanding when I told them his condition. But I was quite angry that the teacher did not inform me of the case , which I thought was quite serious.

Dismissal time, I asked him why did he do that. He said it is because he L O V E S his friends. Oh dear! should I rejoice that he finally begins to like friends, or be angry that he has done something seriously wrong? I really don't know whether to laugh or cry.. but now I have to start 'brainwashing' him another fact : hugs and kisses are only for family members , we show that we like a friend by helping and showing care.

Mummy Tape Recording has new input.

Phew! What's next?

My son and I will be VERY FAMOUS in school very soon!!!


Updated : he was fine the next week but hug one of the girls again the week after. I was so embarrassed when I had to apologise to the mother. I feel sorry for the girl too. She is a very quiet and shy girl, maybe that's why son likes her?!

Updated 2 : So far so good. Fingers crossed.

Here Comes The Challenge

I knew it ! I hope there are miracles but I know 'bad news' are inevitable.

Anyway, these are expected behaviours :

(1) touching the projector and screen and teachers' laptop.... ( That's just him! It's hard to change his curiosity over electronic gadgets)

(2) does not seem to be engaged ( okay... he knows so much already.... how can he pay attention to things that are too easy and uninteresting... talk about physics, maybe he will be sitting straight up and be ready to discuss all types of questions! Ha Ha)

(3) shouting in the hall when the waiting time is too long ( who can stand long boring talks anyway.. all students don't, just that they bear with it while my Son 'VOICE' it out.. just like the little boy in the story 'The Emperor's New Clothes' Hee Hee)

(4) refuses to do work that needs a lot of writing, crush MT worksheets and throw them away.

I have a feeling I will have a lot more white hair . The time period from 12.30 pm to 6pm is an agony. I am always on tenterhooks , fearing the phone call from the sno from school!

I have to be prepared for more..

but at least I should be thankful that he enjoys going to school ( quite surprisingly).. everyday when i ask him how is school, the answer is still 'GOOD'.

The Next Transition : Primary School

Finally, my dear son manages to go to a mainstream primary school. It would be another transition and I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed, even though I know reports of inappropriate behaviour are inevitable.

Surprisingly, he seems to like going primary school than to preschool or eipic centre. Phew! At least he does not say : I 'm not going to school. I want to stay at home forever!

Everyday, when I ask him how school is, his reply is a prompt 'Good' and even 'Excellent'.

Well, should I trust him? I think I will choose to believe him first so that I will not have sleepless nights starting so soon.

The first week is just orientation , just a lot of fun and games. So I guess it is still honeymoon period for him ( and me!) . Hoping for the best when lessons start.

According to the Sno, there are only 'minor hiccups', probably just some refusal to do a task and somtimes off focus ( I guess).

There is a Passing Out Parade at the end of the 3-day orientation. His class performed a mass dance and he performed very well. I am so surprised and proud of him.

I am hoping for the best when lessons start but I have to keep in mind that this is going to be a tough journey.

I have to be ready to persist and fight on for the best of my son!!

Is Your Son From International School

"Is your son from International School?" the workers at the dispensary in ChungHwa asked with their eyes wide opened.

"No lah!" I replied with a big laugh. "Maybe I took a wrong angmoh baby home," I added jokingly. I mean, how many kids here call their mother "MUM"? I definitely did not teach him to call me that way, but since he could talk , he insisted calling me that, and a lot of people think it is 'cute' and 'funny'. Some of his friends even copied him by calling their mothers 'mum'!

Frankly speaking ,I don't know how he got his american slang . TV programs from cartoon network, internet, educational cd-roms or is it because of the speech therapy he received? Due to his delayed speech, we are already very relief that he could now converse in English. We do not want to presssurise and confuse him further with Mandarin. But of course , we do try to introduce mother tongue to him whenever we can. So his abilty to understand and speak Mandarin is minimal and very angmoh style.

I can still remember that when he was younger he used to say that he was English. It took him quite some time to accept the fact that he is a Chinese who is able to speak English.

My girl who is a typical Singlish speaker is the result of exposing her to English and Mandarin at the same time. What more she is one who is really not very good in languages. Until now, at the age of fourteen, my god, i still don't understand what she is trying to say, sometimes! Ha.. she even tried teaching her brother to add lahs and lehs in his speech, but our dear angmoh kia simply cannot say it in the correct way!!

To the adults, they may seem to be amazed and envious that Son could speech such wonderful English with American Slang. But what about his peers? Will he be the odd one out? Will they ridicule him and think him as weird and quirky? I do have friends with asd kids having the same problem that they have been treated as "aliens" in the school and thus being bullied.

That is one of my worries when he goes to primary school.

Hi Mum

I have just given Son an old handphone. I want him to learn how to call any of the family members in case of emergency. I thought it's about time, since he will be in primary one soon. If he can call me or vice versa, at least I won't have to worry so much about losing him ! It had happened a few occasions and the anxiety of losing sight of him can kill !

I let him try calling me at home. He seems to be able to handle it but I have to remind him that the phone is only for emergency call and not for play. He seems to understand too.

We went to the library and it was the first time he was taking a phone with him. I left him at the children section and reminded him to stay put and call me if anything happened.

Barely reaching the adult section, and about to get a book out of the shelf, my phone rang! My God! It was Son's number! What could have happened?!

' Hi Mum! I just found a book on Magic .... ' he told me excitedly.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry?!

I told him to stay there and enjoy his book and would be back in a minute.

I am really happy that he is able to express his feelings to me (through a phone call), even though he is not suppose to call in the library. I had to praise him for being able to call me, but then I also had to remind him that he is not suppose to call unnecessarily in the library.

It is a happy day to rejoice a small improvement in him ! Hopefully there will be more as he grows and matures.